Review – Rate – Recommend

Yesterday I got a good news. I am finally now the top of the class.

There is something about finally reaching a goal that I do not understand. I am not as happy as I thought I would be. I have wished for this greatly and dreamed of the day I would finally be able to achieve it but the happiness I feel now just doesn’t seem to be enough. I want to be happy and I find that I am, just not for this reason. I begin to question what I really want because now that I finally got what I wanted, or thought I wanted, I am not as happy as you would expect me to. And finally achieving this goal poses even more worry. Now I have to maintain this rank and not disappoint my parents and the people who believe in me. The former top of the class is my friend and she’s sad and would probably give a lot just to be in my place right now but here I am feeling all depressed and sappy. It’s like this rank doesn’t compensate for all the worries and effort I put in my studies. There’s no proportion.

I am not sad. There’s just this feeling of being dejected because what I thought I want is not really what makes me happy. The only thing keeping my going is this small sense of pride because my mom is very happy (she’s happier than I am and it makes me feel good to have made her happy) and my closest friends are all doting on me.

I apologize for the depressing tone of this post. It probably ruined your day. On a happier note, Foundation Day in school is just a few weeks away. I wish it would be even better than last year.